Welcome!

Well, here we go! Post number one!

I want to welcome you to our world! Allow me to introduce you all to the wonderful world of younger parents! I am 28 and a mother to two daughters, 7 & 2, bit of an age gap I know, but when you have number one (N1) at the age of 21 there is no rushing into number two (N2)! And now just to add to the ever growing family number three (N3) is only a few weeks away!

I love my family! They truly are the greatest! But ... the learning curve that comes with them is beyond anything anyone could ever imagine! As I said, in 2003 I had N1 at 21 years of age! I was quite young, not as young as some mothers these days but none the less, it was young! Whilst all our friends were getting apartments and staying up all night, I too was looking for a home must have 2 bedrooms, carpet that is clean for the baby to play and a backyard too and I was also staying up all night, breast feeding and changing nappies! It was a reality shock and a half! My life had gone from partying and fancy free too RESPONSIBILITY!! But you know what, we survived! My now husband worked his butt of to provide a great home for us! We lived our lives snuggling on the couch and watching the footy! We had dinner at our dinner table and set the bench mark for how our life together was going to be! We were determined to not let anything get us down!

At this time we were living in a great 3 bedroom rental close to family and although there were a lot of ups and downs, we somehow did it! We had made our family and created a home! I however struggled with post natal depression. I had no idea at the time, but I was textbook PND!! I would wake up crying and go to sleep crying, I would cry at the baby on the Huggies commercial! I would feel like screaming when bubs would cry! Most of all, I hated breast feeding but the midwife at the hospital had told me that it was the best thing for me and my baby, so I would sit there, day and night, with cracked nipples and a baby that would latch on and breast feed and cry! I was an absolute mess! My poor partner would come from work and try to help but everything he did wasn't right for some reason! I would yell and carry on and then go off and sook about it! I don't know how he put up with it! I think the hardest part was loosing my friends. Because of the state I was in I had pushed everyone away! I didn't want to talk to anyone or catch up for coffee, I didn't want to have anyone around and have to pretend everything was great! I just wanted to be alone ... all the time! I still don't know how I didn't realise this was happening! I would have my good days though, when we would shop and have picnics and we would get out walk the dog! I was photo crazy too!! Every opportunity I had I would be taking snapshots of our angel! I loved my daughter more then the world itself! She meant everything to me and was the reason I got dressed everyday! I loved being with her and looking after her, but she was pretty sooky which took its toll sometimes!

Whilst we were in our rental we were attempting to build our first home, which was taking forever (& yet another stress)! We decided to move into my parents garage, as they had transformed it into a large room that we were able to have our bed and couch and TV set up, sort of like an open plan mini house!! It was a great idea ... sadly it only lasted 7 days, maybe 8, before my mum and I clashed heads and we packed our bags and left! Two and a half years later was the first time we spoke again! That was a disaster! Something I regretted doing for so long! But sadly you cannot change the past and I was only glad that we sorted things out when we did because not long after my mum had a stoke and I was so glad that I was able to be there for her! Following that my nan became very ill and passed on and dad needed triple bypass surgery! So it was a bumpy road!

Eventually we made it into our home though! We had survived bubs' first Christmas, our first holiday, her Christening and safely arrived at her first birthday! She was the apple of our eye and a perfect child ... well, that is after we attended sleep school! Ahhh ... sleep school! That was a gift from god! I never knew something as simple as sleep could be such a hard task! We were so lucky to have had the opportunity to attend Tweddle, which is no longer about anymore! They were fantastic!! Its surprises me how easy it is to break a child's routine, but I just had to be shown how to do it! Resources like Tweedle are a much needed part of parenting, I know I definitely needed it and I am disappointed now to learn that there is nothing like this at all anymore!

From there, not long before N1 turned two, my then partner and I separated. I look back now and know that we were so young and we did not know how to cope with life with a child! Everything had been taken from us, friends, sleep, privacy, us time ... I had returned to work so my life revolved around getting up at 5 getting N1 ready as well as myself, making our way to childcare, then into the city and not returning home until after 5.30 - 6 o'clock! It was hard. I quit my job, moved out of our house and set up camp in a small unit close by, so N1 could see her daddy at anytime and vice versa. The separation was short lived, we probably spent more time together then we did apart! But it was something I know I needed to do! It certainly strengthened our relationship and I grew as a person, I know now, that due to the PND I became an unconfident little girl, who couldn't make a decision for herself and relied solely on my partner to make the decisions in our life, which he hated! But being on my own had made me this whole new person, who did things and went places, and budgeted money and paid bills! I was a happier person when we reunited 6 months later! I know I certainly could not have done it without my gorgeous best friend who picked me up and showed me the world again! For that I could never repay her!

So we started again! We were back at his parents house, whilst house number two was being built! Again I returned to work, because sadly these houses don't build themselves! We moved in shortly after and settled down. I was working closer to home so I wasn't doing massive days and N1 wasn't at childcare all day! My bestie was working from home so she was able to watch her twice a week, which saved us a fortune too! Then in 2006, we married! It was a great a time, a smallish church wedding

I loved every minute of it, I felt like a complete princess! We had the time of our lives! Our daughter was our flower girl, she was so beautiful and the day was exactly as we had hoped! The weather was good and all our friends and family were there! It was the same year I had starting talking to my family again, so it was a great time for me!

Marriage however didn't wear well on our relationship! Both of us started to feel the strain again only a few months after the big day!! We tried our hardest though to fight through it. We created date nights and tried old tricks to reignite the relationship. But we found that we weren't sexually active as much anymore and we were actually avoiding each other more and more! However we persevered and tried everything in our power to keep going, unfortunately that only lead us to hating each other more! We would fight so much and avoid each other more then before! We were helping no one, especially N1! She was my biggest concern! She wasn't two anymore, she was coming up to four and knew what was going on wasn't good! She would cry sometimes because she hated when mummy and daddy would fight and that broke our hearts, making us try harder to sort things out! But we knew a good relationship shouldn't be built on trying to make it work, it should just happen!

Then in mid 2007, just before hubby's birthday, he moved into a friends house. It was a sad and hard time. This time I thought it was for good. N1 was was devastated, but still naive enough to not fully know what was going on! I took a little time off work to calm myself, as I was finding myself hiding in cupboards crying and struggling to concentrate on anything! This was an extremely trying time! We sold the house and talked about splitting the money and child support etc, things that I never thought I would have to deal with! It was a whirl wind in my head and I couldn't stop it! I found myself a cute little townhouse in the same area, near the school that N1 would soon be attending and close to work too and moved in a few months after. Sadly at the same time, a member of hubby's family passed on and he was devastated, as death is not something he deals well with, especially in these circumstances, and we were able to support each other through this this time as well as the rest of his family! After a few weeks, we realised that we again were spending a lot of time together and needed to give each other space if we were ever going to work things out. Which we did. It was almost like separating again! We had devised a plan of sharing our daughter, every second weekend and Wednesday nights he would have her. Allowing me to commit to other activities that I wouldn't normally do! Work were great and ever supportive! I was allowed time off when needed and I worked my butt off to repay them, which in the end was rewarded with promotions and pay rises!

Things were looking good, after a few months we were settled, my bestie moved in down the road which was so much fun and life on my own was again not scary, and allowed me to rebuild myself! At this time, I actually was diagnosed with postnatal depression! Not so much at that time, but previously. I was given exercises to help me deal with the past and allow me to move on and let go. My biggest fault was that I would hold on to the past too much! I would criticise every minute thing that had happened and blame myself for it! So thankfully I was able to let go of a lot of baggage and I learnt that I was my own worst enemy! After this time, I was a whole new woman again! I had never let myself become that same little girl I was all those years ago, but like I said, I was my own worst enemy! I had severe trust issues and I needed to work those out before anything!

So here I was, a stronger person, a happier person, a more loving mother, a fitter, thinner, sexier mother than ever before! I was able to take on the world! And for the first time in my life I was ready. For what I'm not sure, but I was able to do anything! And that was what I did! I went out to pubs and had friends over for dinner! I made a life again, and was happy to feel free from the stresses of life, N1 noticed the difference too, we were two best buddies living together in our home and life was great! The only thing missing was my best friend, my partner in crime, my rock! I knew then I wanted him back! And no was not answer that we were going to take! We went through father's day and Christmas and Easter, with a few ups and downs. I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy task but it was a working progress! My husband was determined to have a good time, ensure that what he wanted to be in a relationship again before he made that commitment to me and N1! Otherwise what was the point in all that time apart. It was hard at first to comprehend but I did understand where he was coming from. We were trying though! With dates and dinners and little pressies and text messages, things were good! It was fun and we were enjoying each other not because we had to but because we wanted to! It was like before N1 was born! It was great for N1 too! She loved daddy being at our house more and we were all settling down again! A few months of this past when we decided that hubby should move in with us, we were also designing the plans for our new home that we were to build ourselves! Then the long weekend in June, the famous long weekend! We had had a big weekend, a fair bit of drinking, a few different occasions to attend! I felt sick on the Monday, but went to a family party being held, on the way home we had a little sooky fight like the old days, and for some reason I though Go and buy a pregnancy test ... so I did.