Storage Stress!

I have cleaned out the room that N3 will be in a while ago, as it was previously the "toy room", I sorted all the toys into boxes and labeled them and ensured that everything was in working order so that we weren't keeping things just for the sake of keeping them! Now I go upstairs and and it looks like a bomb has gone off! every day I find myself cleaning the disaster zone, now nicknamed ground zero, but still nothing ever seems to stay in its place! What the hell am I going to do!

I thought of so many different ideas, I would love hubby to build a unit that fits those big tubs I bought so that they have to pull them out to play with them, and they're not just there for the destroying! But that is a dream! He has so many things to complete around the house that that wont be happening anytime soon!

On the bright side, N3's room is looking gorgeous! I have the bassinet set up in there at the moment and the change table is in too! I decorated the wall with some left over wall stickers I found in N2's room and it is starting to look very pretty!

If any one out there has any ideas on storage for a million and one kids toys ... please comment! I need all the help I can get ... is anyone out there???

My birthday!

GeoTagged, [S37.90937, W144.74315]

Yay! It was my birthday over the weekend!! What a great occasion to have when you are 1 week and 5 days out from having your bub! We had planned a weekend away visiting hubby's sister (my bestie) but due to his bad back, we ended up leaving on Saturday morning! No biggy, I was just very thankful to be at home!! I was hit with Braxton hicks ... I thought I was having the baby! All I could think of was "I'm going to be in hospital for my birthday!" very selfish!! But sadly it past and now we are still waiting! I had a great day! I woke up with my bestie making pancakes for breakfast and then we drove home to get my presie off hubby and the kids, a pamper package is exactly what I will need in a couple off weeks when we are back on our feet!! Then off to the in-laws, then out for dinner at our favorite pizza place! What a great day!! I went to bed smiling as I was all day! Sadly though, I didn't hear from my parents! Having not spoken to them since Christmas I wasn't really surprised! But it really makes you wonder what makes people tick??!! Always plays on my mind, but I am completely over playing these stupid games!!! Just a big thanks to my super dooper hubby who made my day the best ever!! I LOVE YOU!!

The pram, the seat & the bag!!

Ok, the count down is on! 2 weeks and 2 days to go! Thankfully hubby has had a few days off this week, with a sore back! That isn't the good part! We were able to take advantage of the situation and do a little baby shopping! Monday we headed out, on the let a new pram to accommodate two and a car seat! The car seat hubby thought he had sorted! The AHR meridian was the one he picked and that was that! Personally, I don't see an issue with the one we already have!! Funnily enough, I don't think hubby does now either!! Haha!! Then we entered the world of prams!! We had already wiped out most of the prams because we require one to seat two!! I had done my research and narrowed it down to two, a Phil & Teds or the Strider Plus 4! Only these two because they are slimmer then a tandem and I knew I didn't want a side by side pram! And the factor is the additional seat is removable! The Strider was the first one we found and I was blown away, I didn't realize how it all worked until we were given a demo! Whoa! Turning this way and that and interchangeable seats, I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I was sold!! Although hubby, not so sold, it was a heavy one! He was worried o would be over it in a week! Which he may be right, but we won't tell him that!! He insisted we keep looking! We continued our shop today, finding nothing but the same couple of prams over and over, except for the one shop we found selling $1500 prams, which I just cannot fathom! They're kids, they are going to cop a beating!!! So presently we are back at square one! With no pram, and looks like we're using the old seat  In bed tonight, hubby turns and says, you go have another look, see what you want to do and we'll take it from their, we need to have it sorted! Then continues, the nappy bag is the only other thing we need isn't it? Well have a look at them too and we'll get one this week too, and then he follows that with the words he may soon regret, doesn't matter how much it costs!! Hehe! Silly man, he clearly does not realize I am in love with babymel bags at the moment! This is the one thing I would spend a fortune on!!! I love this designer, smart and practical!! Just what every new mum wants!! Ahhhh .... What has he done!!!!

Allan - Reservoir Dad

I have entered hubby into the Most Mentally Sexy Dad 2011 competition, please take a look and like their facebook fan page too! Help spread the word as this is a great thing for all dads out there! Click the link below to view his entry! Allan - Reservoir Dad Cheers xx

The new family!

So here we are, with N3 on the way!! I have had a really rough start to this one! I was so sick to start with, not like morning sickness though! I would be struck with crippling cramps right across my belly that would leave me breathless and unable to move! I had to be rescued from the side of the freeway one morning as I couldn't sit up straight!! These episodes would be followed by headaches and often bleeding! And bleeding is not a good thing, especially seeings I'm b neg blood group which mean I have to have an anti D shot - translation - big arse needle!!! And I don't really like needles!!! But no one could explain why I would be getting them!! Then in addition I have had low blood pressure too! So standing up has become an issue!! Not to mention stairs!!!! And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse I have also got varicose veins!! And not just a little spot on my leg, this thing has taken over my right calf! I don't know what to do or how to stop it, it just keeps growing, now moving on to my foot! N1 has described it as being similar to the wall in mr magoreums wonder emporium!! And if you have ever seen this movie, then you'll understand that that is not a compliment!!! But, thankfully the little devil (PND) has not reared it's head this time round! I have not been isolating myself, in fact I've been the opposite! Due to all the complication earlier on I had to finish work early! So just before Christmas I packed up and left my little office, which was sad in a way but in others was such a relief! Within a month I was already seeing the difference in myself! I was still unwell, but no where near as bad as before! I was becoming very emotional at one point, but then I realized it was the lack of sleep and stress, once those factors were fixed, I was back on the home straight! So I have not worked at all this year, except for helping with hubby's business! Which is starting to pick up!!! I thought I would be bored out of my brains by now, but I have enjoyed being at home with my little ladies! So this year N1 started grade 2! Nuts!! I can't believe how big she is getting and how fast! She already has a chip on shoulder, and I dread the day she becomes a teenager! She is a superstar though! Such a beautiful heart, but so lazy!! Trying to get her to do anything can be a real chore!! But I love her more than anything!! Then there's N2! She turned two this year and has changed completely! Some people say Childcare is good for kids, but now I don't agree! N1 really thrived in that environment, but she had a great centre with exceptional teachers! Poor little N2 struggled! She hated being dropped off, when we picked her up she was always tired and sooky! The centre itself was a let down! So many times we would pick her up and she was outside with no jacket or beanie in winter and the teachers would be rushing about doing nothing! But we have such a shortage of places in our area that I had to keep her there! When I started to really have some trouble in this pregnancy, hubby was encouraging me to give up work, we'd done the figures and knew that we could afford it, it of course would just mean it would be tighter!! I ummed and ahhed about it for ages and decided to hold off as long as possible. Then one day I picked N2 up and she was sooky and restless and just in one of those moods that she always was in these days! Her teacher tells me she'd only slept for 25 minutes and they couldn't resettle her so ... Tough, basically!! I was rope-able! The two days prior she had a soiled nappy when I went to pick her up, and she hadn't slept either of those days either!! So come this particular Wednesday I was mad! I picked her up cursing the place as I walked out knowing that without sleeping properly for three days now, tonight she will be a nightmare!!! I put her in her car seat and she starts crying and carrying on, already feeling like the worlds worst mum, I crack it and tell her she must sit or she won't be coming home! Silly move, because of course this sends her through the roof! I strap her in and drive the two second drive to N1's school and by then N2 is beside herself! We hop out of the car and she can hardly walk up to the classroom where N1 is, and I realize she must have a sore bum! I picked her up and she wouldn't even open her legs to sit on my hip! I had to hold her like a baby cradled in my arms! On the trip home she had to sit sideways on her sisters lap so she wasn't in pain!!! I was concerned now, as soon as we got home, we went straight upstairs I laid her on my bed and took off her nappy! I though a shower and and some nappy cream and she'll be fine! But when I moved the nappy away and saw giant welts on her bum and legs I was mortified! How could anyone let her get to this! They weren't there in the morning when I dressed her! No wonder she couldn't sit! Straight away I was on the phone! Which isn't like me!! Normally I would contemplate it for a bit, but this time they'd pissed me right off! I tore shreds off the centre manager when she answered the phone, she apologized and assured me she would talk to the staff on her room that day! What more could she do really? The next day I dropped her off and one of the teachers I knew were on and I asked if she had heard about my rampage the night before knowing that she was there late yesterday! Only to hear that nothing was said! I again was so mad! So all the dribble that had come out of the woman's mouth the previous night was complete and utter crap! This poor woman in front of me could see the change in my face and instantly said she'll ensure she keeps an eye on her today! I got in the car, rung hubby and lost it!! When i got to work that morning I rang through my unofficial resignation! I wasn't wasting another second! It was the best feeling! Better then the delightful chat I was looking forward to having with the centre manager later on! So that is what twisted my arm to leave work! But since having her at home, she has been a different child!!! So now, here I am! 3 weeks and 2 days to go in my pregnancy!! You are completely up to date with everything in our lives!! And I hope to keep it that way!

Number Two

So the saga continues ... We find out that long weekend that N2 is on the way and what better news could a couple who have only just returned to their normal life receive? We were blown away! I never wanted more then one child, N1 was all I ever needed and she was my world, still only young I too was a little selfish and didn't want to be going down this path again! I remember crying and crying for days when I found out! Smiles on the outside, tears on the inside! But no one to blame but myself. Then I realised that there was nothing to be done, I was to hold my head up high and soldier on. My hubby was the best support, he too was initially shocked! But this new found love and respect we had found for each other was more then we could ever need! This made me start to feel comfortable with the idea, I knew that we would be ok! Thankfully we were building a bigger home! I went to see my doctor to have everything confirmed and to complete the required tests. She was able to confirm, but she was more concerned about me! The thought hadn't even crossed my mind, but sadly she put it there! Having previously had postnatal depression, she was concerned that with the hormonal roller coaster ride I might head into depression early! I assured myself, now that I am aware of what the signs are I will keep it in toe! I do not want to be medicated, especially whilst pregnant! This was something that I haven't even considered speaking to anyone about, even hubby! Bad move! Whilst I might think everything is OK, others see things differently! A few weeks down the track, we tell the family! Hubby's family are thrilled! The news was great for them, we were back together, building a new home, and growing our little family! Then it was time for my parents! I don't have such a great relationship with my parents so I found it hard even bringing up the topic or finding a way to tell them! So we just blurted it out, mum was speechless and dad response "What the hell for" So that was wonderful! They left not long after and I crawled into bed and cried! Parents ... I went on about my life as normal, the pregnancy was a normal one for me as was N1. I never really suffered morning sickness, I had a little spell of low blood pressure, but other then that life was ... normal! I went to work, came home, cooked and cleaned, just like every other mum! As week 15 or 16 creeped up on us. I had told work and they too were thrilled! The day I informed my boss, was also the day another staff member told her that she too was expecting! Just a few weeks earlier then I! We thought it was wonderful! Great excuse for Mac Attacks (McDonald's) when ever she worked! Thankfully that was only twice a week! As the months past hubby and I had discussed moving in with a friend whilst our house was being built. This would free up a lot funds to help the building process! So in early October we pack up the house and made our way around the corner to our friends house. Hubby and this friend have known each other for 15 years or so! They are great friends and we had actually asked him if would be the godfather to N2!! Initially he was meant to be moving to QLD for 12 months with work, we would then move into his room so we had room for the baby and N1 would take one of the spare rooms. There was another friend living there at that time too! So us moving in while he was away meant that he didn't have to rent the house out to someone else and could have somewhere to stay when he visited home! It's safe to say that he didn't end up moving interstate ... He instead found himself a girlfriend and stayed put! So we ended up in the two spare rooms! Hubby and I in one and N1 in the other! Mind you, I am 5 months pregnant now and the house hasn't even started to be built! We were still at the planning stage, waiting for approvals and what not! This situation after week one reeked disaster! There were 4 adults and one child living in a 35 square home, plenty of room ... but the only problem for me was the male to female ratio! 3 males to 1 female ... me! Luckily I was pregnant and did A LOT of nesting! I found myself cleaning everything, bathrooms, laundry, kitchen, these guys had been living here for 4 years before we got here so could you only imagine how disgusting it would have been! The bathroom was probably the worst, but the easiest to clean!! Hubby started to notice a bit of a change in me, he was commenting on my reactions to things more, telling me to relax, ease up on telling N1 off all the time, why are you sleeping so much? These three questions right here should have rung warning bells ... but it didn't. I was falling into the same trap as last time! Blindly! Having not told hubby what the doctor had said meant he didn't know what to look for either, just thought I was being hormonal! Which I'm sure didn't help! I started to feel really withdrawn from the world, I stopped ringing people, I didn't want people coming round, I hated footy nights, or card nights, I just wanted to be on my own, after about a month or two of this, I started to realise what was happening! Same scenario, different scene! I spoke to my doctor and she was releived that I was able to recognise the signs!! She advised that medication was not the path to take as long as I was comfortable enough to maintain this myself. She stronly advised that I speak to my hubby about my situation so he can give me a nudge if he thought I was heading that way again! But in the area of medication she was adamit that it would not be a wise move in the finally stage of pregnancy (only one month to go). That last month flew! Hubby was being so fantastic, sadly I never told him the details into that last doctors visit, I just asked that he let me know when I'm moody so I can change! He bought it! Not sure if you have picked up on it, but I'm not the kind of person who likes to be fussed over. I don't like being patted and waited on when I'm sick, I usually just like to rest and get back to it as soon as I can, hubby is the same, so we understand that about each other! But I know if anyone knew that I may have been suffering depression, they would have been walking on egg shells and trying to help, but really I didn't want the help, all I need is to be able to get on with things so I'm not sitting around dwelling while someone else does the work for me! Finally ... February 13th comes round ... Friday the 13th! I was booked in to be induced in the morning, not having had much luck with N1 and her inducing, I wasn't completly sold that this would work for me! Sadly I had two serves of the gel with not much luck so my obs broke my waters later that night. N2 was born at 2.14am Saturday 14th February 2009, spot on her due date! I held that little girl so tight in my arms, it was the happiest moment ever! I know I was too young with N1 to really enjoy her birth! But this ... man ... it was amazing! She was so beautiful and hubby and I cried, with joy and relief. I knew everything would be fine! I was the happiest I could ever remember being! I felt great after the birth, I'm sure it was the pethidine! I floated about the hospital like I was on a cloud, even when I returned home! It was the same feeling. She was such a good girl, slept well fed well, N1 was so in love too! She brought so much joy into the house, they guys were love struk aswell, even though they complained she did nothing! She had her moments too where she had us pulling out our hair! She was sick and sooky, and the sleepless nights took its toll on everyone! Fortunately we lived with the deepest sleepers, and even though she may have been screaming her little lungs out, I could still hear snoring from every room, just not ours!! After a month of N2 being born, hubby was faced with a horrible work decision to be made. He was told that work was getting quite on the construction front in Victoria and they were looking at putting a lot of guys off! So he was told that he could risk the chance at being laid off or he could take on a job interstate and ride the quite period out! This was a very tough decision for him with a newborn at home, as well as the rest of his family! As we were also about to start construction on our house too, he decided that he would be crazy not to take the interstate job, not only for job security, but the extra pay would help soooo much! He left only two weeks later! Very sad and tearful good bye, but N1 dealt with it so well! She was probably tougher then I was!! The first couple of days were the hardest, but we all dealt with the situation really well, us girls had each other! Sadly hubby was in WA by himself, and that was hard for him! He would work all day then come home to nothing, in a state he had never been to, so knew nothing about or anyone there! After a month and a half, the company flew him home for N1s birthday! It was a little premature but it really didn't matter as long as we could have him home! It was only for 4 days, but it was the best 4 days ever for he and the girls! They really needed to see each other! For he and I on the other hand, we found it a lot harder! Clearly we had both adjusted to being without each other and the time he was home we just pissed each other off!!! He returned to WA and we apologized for all the negativity that had been while he was home! But it worried me! I was concerned that we were going to head down the same path as we always dis, where we give up on each other! After another month and a half, he was home for good! I had prepared myself for a rough transition, getting used to being together again! But I had no idea how hard it was going to be! It was so hard! Too hard!! He was angry all the time, at me, at the girls, and was always picking at everything we did! Complaining about everything! It drove me nuts! I remember one night in particular, only just after he returned home, he was picking at the routine I gad the girls in and I lost it! I had been on my own for 3 months, doing everything and all he had done since returning home was criticize everything I did! We didn't speak for a couple of days ... Then there was a change in him. He became really quite and reserved, didn't talk much, slept a lot and started to distance himself from everyone, even his girls! I picked up on the warning signs but I have no idea how to deal with someone else's depression! I tried talking to him to see if there was something in particular that was wrong, but that got us no where! He did however tell me about wanting to be on his own, and take a holiday on his own, he needed to escape life somehow! This frightened me! We had fought previously, but neither of us ever wanted to leave! Except when we separated! There were plenty other topics that we spoke about that would worry me, bit I honestly have no idea how to handle someone who had fallen so completely into depression, and so quickly!! I rang beyond blue hoping ti get some help. They sent me our some information, but all I really got out of it was I can't help him until he is ready to help himself! Which is true, but what do you so in the mean time? I put up with a lit of bad moods and his temper was so bad! The girls could be laughing and playing and that would be enough to set him off! Then one day, while he was in one of his moods, I lost it! Completely!! It was like it wasn't me! I told him straight out that I thought he was suffering depression and he laughed at me, telling me I'm blowing things out of proportion! So I told him that if that's not the cases then I dint need to stay and put up with all thus shit! I threatened to leave and he told me to go. I broke down at that moment! Our little team was breaking apart! We agreed when we got back together that if we broke up again, it would be for good! So that is how I know that we were both very serious!! But then, when I broke down in tears, he held me so tight, tighter than I could ever imagine and apologized over and over and over! He didn't want to be like that and I knew that too! We both needed to be more compassionate! He refused to see a doctor and didn't want to be medicaid either! But with the construction of our house under way, that basically took up every spare second in his life! He didn't have time to be depressed! Until the house was finished that is!

Welcome!

Well, here we go! Post number one!

I want to welcome you to our world! Allow me to introduce you all to the wonderful world of younger parents! I am 28 and a mother to two daughters, 7 & 2, bit of an age gap I know, but when you have number one (N1) at the age of 21 there is no rushing into number two (N2)! And now just to add to the ever growing family number three (N3) is only a few weeks away!

I love my family! They truly are the greatest! But ... the learning curve that comes with them is beyond anything anyone could ever imagine! As I said, in 2003 I had N1 at 21 years of age! I was quite young, not as young as some mothers these days but none the less, it was young! Whilst all our friends were getting apartments and staying up all night, I too was looking for a home must have 2 bedrooms, carpet that is clean for the baby to play and a backyard too and I was also staying up all night, breast feeding and changing nappies! It was a reality shock and a half! My life had gone from partying and fancy free too RESPONSIBILITY!! But you know what, we survived! My now husband worked his butt of to provide a great home for us! We lived our lives snuggling on the couch and watching the footy! We had dinner at our dinner table and set the bench mark for how our life together was going to be! We were determined to not let anything get us down!

At this time we were living in a great 3 bedroom rental close to family and although there were a lot of ups and downs, we somehow did it! We had made our family and created a home! I however struggled with post natal depression. I had no idea at the time, but I was textbook PND!! I would wake up crying and go to sleep crying, I would cry at the baby on the Huggies commercial! I would feel like screaming when bubs would cry! Most of all, I hated breast feeding but the midwife at the hospital had told me that it was the best thing for me and my baby, so I would sit there, day and night, with cracked nipples and a baby that would latch on and breast feed and cry! I was an absolute mess! My poor partner would come from work and try to help but everything he did wasn't right for some reason! I would yell and carry on and then go off and sook about it! I don't know how he put up with it! I think the hardest part was loosing my friends. Because of the state I was in I had pushed everyone away! I didn't want to talk to anyone or catch up for coffee, I didn't want to have anyone around and have to pretend everything was great! I just wanted to be alone ... all the time! I still don't know how I didn't realise this was happening! I would have my good days though, when we would shop and have picnics and we would get out walk the dog! I was photo crazy too!! Every opportunity I had I would be taking snapshots of our angel! I loved my daughter more then the world itself! She meant everything to me and was the reason I got dressed everyday! I loved being with her and looking after her, but she was pretty sooky which took its toll sometimes!

Whilst we were in our rental we were attempting to build our first home, which was taking forever (& yet another stress)! We decided to move into my parents garage, as they had transformed it into a large room that we were able to have our bed and couch and TV set up, sort of like an open plan mini house!! It was a great idea ... sadly it only lasted 7 days, maybe 8, before my mum and I clashed heads and we packed our bags and left! Two and a half years later was the first time we spoke again! That was a disaster! Something I regretted doing for so long! But sadly you cannot change the past and I was only glad that we sorted things out when we did because not long after my mum had a stoke and I was so glad that I was able to be there for her! Following that my nan became very ill and passed on and dad needed triple bypass surgery! So it was a bumpy road!

Eventually we made it into our home though! We had survived bubs' first Christmas, our first holiday, her Christening and safely arrived at her first birthday! She was the apple of our eye and a perfect child ... well, that is after we attended sleep school! Ahhh ... sleep school! That was a gift from god! I never knew something as simple as sleep could be such a hard task! We were so lucky to have had the opportunity to attend Tweddle, which is no longer about anymore! They were fantastic!! Its surprises me how easy it is to break a child's routine, but I just had to be shown how to do it! Resources like Tweedle are a much needed part of parenting, I know I definitely needed it and I am disappointed now to learn that there is nothing like this at all anymore!

From there, not long before N1 turned two, my then partner and I separated. I look back now and know that we were so young and we did not know how to cope with life with a child! Everything had been taken from us, friends, sleep, privacy, us time ... I had returned to work so my life revolved around getting up at 5 getting N1 ready as well as myself, making our way to childcare, then into the city and not returning home until after 5.30 - 6 o'clock! It was hard. I quit my job, moved out of our house and set up camp in a small unit close by, so N1 could see her daddy at anytime and vice versa. The separation was short lived, we probably spent more time together then we did apart! But it was something I know I needed to do! It certainly strengthened our relationship and I grew as a person, I know now, that due to the PND I became an unconfident little girl, who couldn't make a decision for herself and relied solely on my partner to make the decisions in our life, which he hated! But being on my own had made me this whole new person, who did things and went places, and budgeted money and paid bills! I was a happier person when we reunited 6 months later! I know I certainly could not have done it without my gorgeous best friend who picked me up and showed me the world again! For that I could never repay her!

So we started again! We were back at his parents house, whilst house number two was being built! Again I returned to work, because sadly these houses don't build themselves! We moved in shortly after and settled down. I was working closer to home so I wasn't doing massive days and N1 wasn't at childcare all day! My bestie was working from home so she was able to watch her twice a week, which saved us a fortune too! Then in 2006, we married! It was a great a time, a smallish church wedding

I loved every minute of it, I felt like a complete princess! We had the time of our lives! Our daughter was our flower girl, she was so beautiful and the day was exactly as we had hoped! The weather was good and all our friends and family were there! It was the same year I had starting talking to my family again, so it was a great time for me!

Marriage however didn't wear well on our relationship! Both of us started to feel the strain again only a few months after the big day!! We tried our hardest though to fight through it. We created date nights and tried old tricks to reignite the relationship. But we found that we weren't sexually active as much anymore and we were actually avoiding each other more and more! However we persevered and tried everything in our power to keep going, unfortunately that only lead us to hating each other more! We would fight so much and avoid each other more then before! We were helping no one, especially N1! She was my biggest concern! She wasn't two anymore, she was coming up to four and knew what was going on wasn't good! She would cry sometimes because she hated when mummy and daddy would fight and that broke our hearts, making us try harder to sort things out! But we knew a good relationship shouldn't be built on trying to make it work, it should just happen!

Then in mid 2007, just before hubby's birthday, he moved into a friends house. It was a sad and hard time. This time I thought it was for good. N1 was was devastated, but still naive enough to not fully know what was going on! I took a little time off work to calm myself, as I was finding myself hiding in cupboards crying and struggling to concentrate on anything! This was an extremely trying time! We sold the house and talked about splitting the money and child support etc, things that I never thought I would have to deal with! It was a whirl wind in my head and I couldn't stop it! I found myself a cute little townhouse in the same area, near the school that N1 would soon be attending and close to work too and moved in a few months after. Sadly at the same time, a member of hubby's family passed on and he was devastated, as death is not something he deals well with, especially in these circumstances, and we were able to support each other through this this time as well as the rest of his family! After a few weeks, we realised that we again were spending a lot of time together and needed to give each other space if we were ever going to work things out. Which we did. It was almost like separating again! We had devised a plan of sharing our daughter, every second weekend and Wednesday nights he would have her. Allowing me to commit to other activities that I wouldn't normally do! Work were great and ever supportive! I was allowed time off when needed and I worked my butt off to repay them, which in the end was rewarded with promotions and pay rises!

Things were looking good, after a few months we were settled, my bestie moved in down the road which was so much fun and life on my own was again not scary, and allowed me to rebuild myself! At this time, I actually was diagnosed with postnatal depression! Not so much at that time, but previously. I was given exercises to help me deal with the past and allow me to move on and let go. My biggest fault was that I would hold on to the past too much! I would criticise every minute thing that had happened and blame myself for it! So thankfully I was able to let go of a lot of baggage and I learnt that I was my own worst enemy! After this time, I was a whole new woman again! I had never let myself become that same little girl I was all those years ago, but like I said, I was my own worst enemy! I had severe trust issues and I needed to work those out before anything!

So here I was, a stronger person, a happier person, a more loving mother, a fitter, thinner, sexier mother than ever before! I was able to take on the world! And for the first time in my life I was ready. For what I'm not sure, but I was able to do anything! And that was what I did! I went out to pubs and had friends over for dinner! I made a life again, and was happy to feel free from the stresses of life, N1 noticed the difference too, we were two best buddies living together in our home and life was great! The only thing missing was my best friend, my partner in crime, my rock! I knew then I wanted him back! And no was not answer that we were going to take! We went through father's day and Christmas and Easter, with a few ups and downs. I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy task but it was a working progress! My husband was determined to have a good time, ensure that what he wanted to be in a relationship again before he made that commitment to me and N1! Otherwise what was the point in all that time apart. It was hard at first to comprehend but I did understand where he was coming from. We were trying though! With dates and dinners and little pressies and text messages, things were good! It was fun and we were enjoying each other not because we had to but because we wanted to! It was like before N1 was born! It was great for N1 too! She loved daddy being at our house more and we were all settling down again! A few months of this past when we decided that hubby should move in with us, we were also designing the plans for our new home that we were to build ourselves! Then the long weekend in June, the famous long weekend! We had had a big weekend, a fair bit of drinking, a few different occasions to attend! I felt sick on the Monday, but went to a family party being held, on the way home we had a little sooky fight like the old days, and for some reason I though Go and buy a pregnancy test ... so I did.